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  • Writer's pictureBernie

Myth #6 “I Have A Higher Drive” (That Must Be Satisfied)


Myth #6 A Higher Sex Drive Justifies

There’s another very common myth out there that says that there are just some guys who have a higher sex drive than others and that justifies their preoccupation with porn. In other words if they’re married (or not) and their wife can’t keep up then it’s ok to “supplement” with a little porn from time to time because, “he has to have it!”

No question, there are some things that we as human beings simply can’t live without. Things like food, water, shelter and oxygen are pretty essential to our existence on this planet. Yet if you pay close attention to the current culture one might begin to think that SEX needs to be added to that list of essentials for our survival. Don’t get me wrong, procreation is essential for us to perpetuate the human race. That’s not the point of the post. What I’m getting at, is this constant message being propagated to the masses that sex is something you have to have all the time, and it’s ok to do whatever you need to do to get it!

Though some research does seem to support the notion that guys think about sex, and want sex more often than women. Dr. Lauren Winner makes the point in her book, Real Sex that, “Current opinion—popular and social-scientific—suggests that men’s and women’s libidos are actually quite similar. Over 57 percent of 800 women surveyed in 2004 said “they want more sex, no matter how much they are actually having.”

Having said that, the point isn’t the overactive libido of either guys or girls. The point is that we can live without sex. Even married couples are directed to “abstain” for a period when mutually agreed upon and concentrate on prayer. In I Corinthians Paul writes, “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Is it possible we can have too much of a good thing? When it comes to God’s grace I don’t think so! But when it comes to the gift of sexual intimacy we do run the risk of falling into the mindset that sex is essential for my personal, spiritual, and practical survival. I’m not even touting the notion of “moderation in all things” I’m saying that at the end of the day there are things more important than sex. Just think of what Jesus said when tempted by Satan after His baptism, “The tempter came to him and said, ‘If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.’ Jesus answered, ‘It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

It seems that so much has been made about Christian couples really getting it on. It wasn’t long ago that mega church pastor Ed Young preached a series at his Fellowship Church in Dallas, TX called Sexperiment where he staged a live “bed-in” with his wife atop the roof of his church, and encouraged married couples to have sex 7 straight days! Woo hoo! I’m all for it! But I would also challenge Ed that it would be equally as beneficial to the deepening of intimacy for a couple to abstain for 7 days if not longer. The implication from the passage in I Corinthians 7 seems to be that the time spent abstaining could be used to pursue deeper intimacy with God; the creator of SEX. I’m all for that too since as fallen humanity we lean toward worshiping the created thing rather than the creator. Not to mention the fact that the closer I draw to the God above the more servant minded I’ll be with my spouse in bed.

So to combat Myth #6, I say, you may have a pretty active drive for sexual intimacy, that is all well and good. But as a called out Christ follower that drive can be denied at least for a period of time. And it is absolutely foolish to think that God would approve of any extracurricular activities with porn just because you have a “higher” sex drive.

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